An Open Letter to Those I Hurt in High School

I could start this post with excuses, and though I have many, that’s not what I want to write. Instead, I’d like to give an explanation and an apology that is long overdue.

When I was in high school, I was a broken and hurt individual. So much so that anyone I believed to be a threat to me became a target for my rage, and far too many people where threats to me. Truth be told, I was terribly insecure. (Who isn’t insecure in high school?) Yet, there was so much more going on.

As a young kid, I was sexually, physically, and mentally abused by someone close to me. When I became a teenager, I didn’t know how to deal with all the trauma, so I buried it deep, not knowing that what I buried I would cultivate in my life. So, I buried anger. I buried resentment. I buried pain. And those seeds blossomed into thorns of the worst kind. Thorns that killed me from the inside out and pierced anyone who got too close. This is not a new story. In fact, it’s an all too familiar one. Hurt people hurt people. But they don’t have to.

As a grown woman, I’ve learned to give the teenager within me grace. I’ve helped her heal and find safety, and in doing so, it’s time we both make peace with the pain we inflicted on others. So, if you fell victim to my vicious mouth, and if I made you feel as small as I felt, I am sorry. I’m so sorry that I hurt you. I’m so sorry that I used my words as weapons. I’m so sorry I deflected my pain onto you. I’m just so very sorry.

As this post comes to an end, I realize I may never reach the people I harmed in high school, and I have to be okay with that. Sometimes you don’t get a second chance to apologize. Instead, I hope I reach anyone who has ever been bullied or has bullied others. You don’t have to live in that painful past. You can move forward. Recognize what happened to you, admit it sucked, and become better than you were yesterday. It’s as simple and as difficult as that. Healing usually is.